You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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