i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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