I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
