I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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