Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
