Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
