is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
