You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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