There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i have two assholes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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