you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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