I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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