Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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