I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
