My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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