Sponge bath it is.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
