We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
