I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone came in the potted fern
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
