Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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