if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
