Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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