He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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