I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
