How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
