Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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