talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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