HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
