The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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