We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
