I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
