i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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