what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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