I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
