Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
