Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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