i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
honey bunches of taint.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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