I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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