Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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