just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
