Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
