Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
