good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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