I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
