If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
