She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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