Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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