Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
