Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
