Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
