im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
