I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
