okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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