If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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