I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
