I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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