Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
