Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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