I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
