i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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