Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
