I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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