im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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