she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
