Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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