yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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