I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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