3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
