You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
