The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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